sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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