i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
