he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
