im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
