i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm always down for nudity.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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