I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
