Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
