but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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