I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
