and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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