I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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