i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
