this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
