so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
