where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
