Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
