I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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