cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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