There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
