sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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