I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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