conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
