it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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