A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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