are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
