So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm passing your future prison.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
