It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
