if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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