we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
