She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
