I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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