When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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