Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Your dad touched me again.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
