this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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