Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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