Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
