Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
