Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
