Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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