thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
