I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
