Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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