When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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