btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
