Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
