in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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