3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
