I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
