So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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