I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who did Billy Mays play for?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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