worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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