im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
