someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
