I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
