What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
why is half of my head shaved?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
