1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
